Elle’s Birth Story

Elle Sunday Havens // June 5th 2015 // 7 lbs 5 oz / 6:32pm

I’m so excited to finally share Elle’s birth story on the blog. Elle’s birth was a really amazing and healing experience for me. For those of you who don’t know, my first birth experience was pretty challenging and ended up in a c-section (you can read about Dexter’s c-section birthHERE) so when I became pregnant with Elle, I was determined and hopeful that I would be able to have a Vbac. Attempting a vbac was a big decision for me to come to, and we spend the entire pregnancy preparing for it, but in the end it was the best experience and it went so much better than I ever thought it would.

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I should warn you, this post is pretty long. I am so happy to share it with you guys but I also want all the details down so that I can read back and remember too. I’ll paraphrase where I can.

Here’s how it all went down:

Thursday we went to the splash pad near our house with Natalie and the boys. I was a week away from my due date, super uncomfortable and ready for this baby to come. When we were done at the splash pad I decided that instead of driving home with Zach, I would walk home to try to get things moving. Later that night Natalie and I went to get mani/pedis and Starbucks to get in some girl time before baby’s arrival. I went to bed that night feeling nothing until….

4am on Friday I woke up to cramps. Nothing super painful but just like a deep period cramp in my belly and back. I noticed they were rhythmic (probably every 20 minutes) but I would easily fall back asleep in between. I decided that I would see what was going on at 6am and go from there.

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I woke at 6am and things felt about the same but they were much closer together (10 minutes ish). I told my husband that I was feeling “something” but that he should totally still go to work.  After a couple more minutes in bed and some more cramps I hopped in the bath to try and see if the “contractions” would stop or space out at all. I got into that bath fully expecting them to stop, Zach would go to work and we would wait at least another week to have this baby. Once in the bath things picked up a bit and I started to entertain the idea that this might be it. I hung out there for a while but then felt lonely and anxious and Dex had woken up so I went to snuggle with them in bed. Pretty much as soon as I got out a I had a couple really strong contractions and noticed that they were super close together. My husband was saying “Call Erika” (our amazing doula) but you never want to be the preggo who cries wolf and regardless of my increasingly strong contractions, I was still in total denial. I got my phone out to start timing and paced around the room. I timed a couple and when I looked down at my phone they were all 45 seconds long and less than 2 minutes apart. That’s when I knew (and finally admitted) that this was it. We called Erika and let her know what was going on and to head over whenever she could. I called Elleana (my midwife) and filled her in too. We also called my mom and sister who began the 5 hour drive to come be with me for the birth. This was it!!

I started packing and trying to get in some time with Dex when I realized that this would be my last time with him as my only child. Erika showed up around 9am (thank goodness) and contractions had gotten pretty strong. No closer together but they were starting to stop me from talking and puttering around. I needed counter pressure on my back for each contraction and a hot water bottle to help with the pain. At this point I started getting coupling contractions where the first one would totally kick my butt and then about 10 seconds later there was another mini contraction (so fun!) that was shorter and less painful. My midwife arrived and I immediately wanted her to check me. Already this labour was so much more painful than with Dexter so I assumed I had dilated quite a bit……… I was one centimetre! ONE CENTIMETRE PEOPLE! Last time I got to 3-4 centimetres without a whole lot of pain and here I was dying at one cm!!? I tried not to cry or get discouraged and got back into the bath. We all hung out in the bathroom while I laboured for another hour and things got REAL. I was literally crying “no no no” with each approaching contraction and making a host of other sounds that I never knew I could make. An hour later, we checked again and I was a four! Finally some progress.

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We then decided to head to the hospital. I wanted to stay home as long as I could but with being a vbac we did want to be in the hospital just in case of any complications. It was the longest 10 minutes of my entire life (seriously though, there are few things as torturous to me as labouring in a moving vehicle) but we arrived and got settled into our room really quickly. My awesome midwife was already filling up the tub for me and I got right in. The water didn’t help much with the pain and we ended up having to move to a different room so after getting out and moving rooms I was ready for an epidural. This was a tough choice for me. Everything I read about vbac said that you have a higher chance with a natural birth but my contractions had been less than 2 minutes apart for 5 hours at this point and I was desperate for a break. It was now noon, the epidural was in place and perfect because I could still feel a lot and move my legs and toes. We did another check and I was at a 6. This number is significant for me because with my son that’s the most I ever dilated. As thrilled as I was to be 6cm, I was terrified that I would stall there again.

I rested for the next couple of hours. It was such an amazing experience to be in labour during the day, in a room with big windows and the sun shining in, with my closest family and support. We chatted on and off about baby names and made our gender predictions for this baby. It was honestly such an amazing time. I remember laughing so hard and some points and thinking how it was just the best day ever, and my baby wasn’t even here yet.

We checked me again at 5pm and I was 9cm dilated. I instantly started crying. This was such a big deal for me because it told me that my body can do this. I didn’t stall at a 6cm like last time and I was one cm away from our meeting our baby. It was then that my doubts completely went away and I knew. I knew in my heart that this vbac was happening.

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We waited another hour (6:20pm) and when we checked again I was still a 9 but my water hadn’t broken yet. While my midwife was checking me, my water broke anyway and I was instantly a 10. We talked about letting me labour down for another hour to get the baby nice and low but then Elleana (midwife) suggested that I do a little practice push just to see where we were at. At this point,  I’m assuming I’m going to practice a couple times, not be very good at it, wait an hour, and then maybe push for two hours before this baby actually arrives. I wasn’t even taking the practice push too seriously, nor did I have a clue what I was doing so I just went for it and pushed as hard as I could. I could sort of tell that something exciting was happening based on everyone’s reactions but when the push was over they told me they could see the head and it was time to have a baby.  I could barely process what was happening. I wasn’t emotional (which I’m usually super emotional), I didn’t even know where anyone was standing, I just became fiercely determined to push this baby out. My vbac was within my grasp and it was the moment I had been preparing for and praying for for so long.

I pushed the next contraction and her heart decelerated. They threw the oxygen mask on me and told me to take deep breaths (which totally scared me) and there were loud beeping noises coming from the monitor. I was losing my mind on the inside but knew I had to stay focused. After another push and another decel, they called in the NICU team just in case, which also scared the crap out of me and I knew that something about these pushes was stressing my baby out. I literally thought to myself, I’m getting this baby out next push. Sure enough, next contraction (so three total) her head was out. Her shoulder however, was stuck. Without a contraction, my midwife looked me in the eyes and basically said “push as hard as you can right now”. I did (I swear my head was going to pop off) and out came our precious second born. They placed her on my chest briefly which was a moment I had longed for for so long. I was so focused on getting her to cry/breathe that I didn’t even think to check what this baby was. I was so in the zone but I heard my mom say something like “she’s okay” (trying to reassure me because I was scared) and then Zach said “It’s a girl??”. I still hadn’t reacted to the gender thing yet because I just wanted her to cry. After a minute they took her across the room so the NICU nurses could check her out. I heard my baby cry and then I just started bawling and processing everything that just happened. I had a vbac! I did it! I have a DAUGHTER?!

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My husband went with our baby and was at her side for her first moments. He brought her back to me in a pink hat and kept saying “She’s perfect, she’s so beautiful”. Something about seeing that pink hat made everything so real and I let all the emotion of the last 10 minutes out at once. My baby girl on my chest, in her pink little hat and everyone I love around me – it was easily the (tied for first) best and most intense moment of my life. It took me so long to process everything. I had stressed about the vbac for so long and now it was behind me, and I did it! I had wondered for 9 months who this baby was and here was my daughter, in my arms, healthy and peaceful.

We took forever to name her because we had so many girl names that we loved but we finally settled on Elle Sunday Havens. Elle is a name we loved back when we had Dexter. We thought it sounded strong and stylish and classic and cool. Sunday (we get asked about that one a lot) is just a special name to us. We thought it was a beautiful name and just gives you good vibes. Sunday is the best day and it just felt pretty and peaceful and full of light. It suits her so perfectly.

I feel very blessed to have had the birth experiences that I have had and although they could not have been more opposite (one 3 days of labour and a c-section, the other, 6 hours of labour, 10 minutes of pushing and a vbac) I love both experiences for different reasons. If there is one thing both experiences have taught me, it’s that birth is just the first step in a long and amazing journey. I used to put so much pressure on birth but I am learning  that birth is beautiful no matter what and down the line a few months/weeks/years when you hear your baby say I love you, your birth plan not going exactly to plan will be the last thing on your mind (that’s been my experience anyway). I know all of our journeys are VERY different (some very easy and some painful and difficult) but bringing a child into this world (adoption, birth, the desire at all to be a mother) is incredible and beautiful and I love that us mamas all have that in common and how brings us together.

Thank you so much for reading!

Britt

Elle: One Month Update

Everyone warned us that since Dexter was pretty easygoing, that our second baby would surely be more wild but my littlest love is calm, snuggly and pretty even tempered. Our month has been filled with amazing support from friends and family, Zach being super dad and spending so much amazing time with Dexter, me getting some bonding time with my girl, and the 4 of us figuring out life together.

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We named her Elle Sunday. It was the most difficult decision and unlike Dexter’s name (which we knew long before we even started having babies) this one took time. We honestly waited overnight to name her. We went into the hospital with really no boy names and like 4-5 girl names we loved. So when she was born, we loved all of our girl names so much it was really hard to decide which one was the most her. We sat there writing out all the options with middle and last names and stared at the registration page just going back and forth forever. We looked at her and expected to just ..know. But, to be honest, we didn’t “just know”, like at all! We could eliminate a couple for sure but we were left with three that we LOVED. In the end we went with the name we had liked the longest and had the most feminine sound because “OMG it’s a GIRL!!?!” To us Elle sounded chic, feminine, pretty and strong. We felt like Elle Havens sounded sweet and bright and also a little bit like a supermodel. ;) My mother’s name is Shelley and naming her Elle felt like a little “piece” of my mom. Sunday, we get a lot of questions about. Honestly, we just love the name. It has the best vibes and Sunday makes us feel peaceful and restful and cozy and happy. I know it’s a little a lot different and we weren’t necessarily trying to be WAY out there it just has a lot of meaning to us and now it suits her so well.

On to the update!

We left the hospital less than 24 hrs after she was born, which was great. It was such a gorgeous day out and Elle was so calm and happy in her car seat. She was so tiny that all those first time mom nerves about driving with a new baby came flooding back. Thankfully, our drive was uneventful and we came home to a clean house (thanks mama), pink flowers on our dining room table and a peaceful house. I was missing my boy though and even though I was exhausted, I was dying for them to meet.

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Dexter and Elle meeting went really really well! We were at home and Zach’s parents (who had Dexter overnight) brought him to us. We didn’t have time to plan or prepare anything but Dexter is pretty chill so I expected him to take it well. Zach went out to get him and brought him to see Elle and I in our room. He came in so excited and he was holding a pink carnation and I just about died. He looked at her and kissed her and called her “Ivy” which is his cousin’s name haha. I got some snuggles with him and we took some family photos and overall it was such an amazing moment. All of us together for the first time. He was so interested in her and gentle (which we’ve sense been working on).

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So puffy and so happy. ^

Some details about our girl. Her little girly cry makes us melt. It’s so surprising after having a boy for two years the true GIRL sound of even her cries. Zach aways calls her a damsel in distress. She is so so sleepy. I’m sure my memory from when Dex was born is a little foggy, but I believe she is waaaay sleepier and less alert than he was. For the first week of her life I legitimitely worried about her vision because I never ever saw her open her eyes.

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Our first night home as a bit of a disaster. We tried Elle in her bassinet but she hated it. I think it was being flat on her back (she’s crazy gassy and spits up a lot) and away from me but it did not go well. Desperate for sleep we let her into our bed with us (plenty of room, firm mattress, no blanket – and if you still have a problem with it then that’s cool, but this is what got us through the first couple of nights) and it went much better. She loves snuggling more than anything. As long as she’s touching your skin, she’s happy. She dislikes being changed, or passed around. She’s a pretty light sleeper too and the littlest sound wakes her up, but then she will fall right back asleep.

2015-06-10 15.33.382015-06-19 10.25.43Nursing has been amazing. I had such a difficult time with Dexter and experienced a lot of pain but from the minute she came out she’s been amazing at latching and I’ve had no pain at all. I even totally stocked up on all the creams and gel pads and what not and haven’t even needed them! While on the topic of eating she’s more of a snacker, which has been a little difficult. She eats a little, then sleeps a little, then eats a mini snack then a little mini nap.

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We had our first outing about 8 days post partum. I was WAY too sore to be out walking around and I paid the price the next day but I was desperate to get out and Elle needed some girly clothes! We grabbed a couple onesies and sleepers and I think grabbed some iced coffees and headed back home.  Seeing TWO kids in the back of the car was insane!

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She also had her first time at church. I was all excited and had saved this adorable yellow dress with a peter pan collar and she slept in her car seat the entire time so no one even saw it…or her haha. Zach and I also got in a couple date nights with just Elle since it’s basically like she’s not even there.

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So far our first month with our daughter has been heaven. It’s hard, don’t get me wrong, two kids in no joke and I’ve cried a lot of overwhelmed tears but having a baby again is such an amazing time. I adore the newborn stage and baby smells and baby feet and honestly I never want this to end. I am sore and hormonal and exhausted but I’ve got pink things all over my house and a baby girl who is healthy and lovely and I couldn’t feel more blessed.

Dexter’s 18 Month Update

This past week my baby boy turned one and a half! I actually feel like the worst mama ever because all week I was like “Oh the 19th is coming, he’s going to be a year and a half that day.” and what do you know, the day came and went and I didn’t even realize it. The day after I looked at the calendar and was like “nooooo”. Any one else literally not know what the actual date is on a given day without actually looking at their phone? haha Oops!

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I wanted to do a little 18 month update. He has changed and learned more in the last month than any other time span before. I can see him turning into a big boy right before my eyes. It kinda makes me sad but, this stage is by a long shot, the most fun stage so far. It’s so amazing to actually be able to communicate with him and do activities together!

Here’s what’s new with Dex:

The good stuff:

  • He has started talking so so much lately. He will say almost anything we tell him to, or at least try anyway! My faves are “cookie”, “Barry” (his stuffed bear), and “breakfast” – and if these words are any indication on this kids priorities then I’d say we are killing it at this whole parenting thing. He has also nailed “Baby” and knows where the baby is – which makes me excited!!
  • He started saying some 2 word sentences this week! “Bye dad” and “blue ball” or “big ball”.
  • He hasn’t ever said “NO”. He’s never even shook his head no. This seems amazing but I’m also starting to think he has no idea what “no” means when we say it. More on that later.
  • He has become super nurturing. When with friends he loves sharing things back and fourth and making sure everyone has their cup and soother. Practicing to be a big brother I assume.
  • He knows lots of animal sounds. Dog, horse, elephant, snake, sheep, pig.
  • He started doing puzzles which is super cool. I mean as a parent, things like this just blow my mind. One minute all the pieces are out and I’m focusing on something else and I look up to the puzzle being like done and him clapping. Do you get up in the night and practice these things? (we’re talking like those big wood 6 piece shape puzzles here – just fyi, nothing crazy).
  • His fave foods are any kind of fruit, pasta, chicken noodle soup, oatmeal, yogurt, meatballs and cheese. His least favourite foods are anything other than what I listed above (heeeelp meee!)
  • He sleeps 8-7:30 and naps once a day from about 10:30-1/1:30.
  • He has FINALLY befriended a stuffed animal! I always tried to get him to take to one in the past but he usually just wanted to carry around a toy hammer or drumstick but now (not all day but at bedtime and in the morning) he LOVES Barry. Barry is just a stuffed Bear I got from Indigo – you can see him here! 
  • He knows how to say “Show” and hand me the remote. Ugh sooo bad! He only cares about one show and that show is Bo on the Go. It’s a super strange show about being physically active, but if you even go near the remote he starts shouting “GO GO! BO GO!” And I usually give in, because that’s about the cutest thing ever.
  • He recognized the letter D the other day. That was cool. Every day it’s like he needs me less and less. I just see him learning things that I can’t even remember teaching him. I guess it’s the whole “more is caught than what is taught” thing.

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The hard stuff: 

  • He has become the pickiest eater ever. If it’s not fruit, carbs, cheese or covered in some sugary “dip” then he’s not touching it. I know this is normal kid stuff but it’s making me crazy. I almost feel offended when I make this big healthy meal and he refuses every bite! I am getting sneaker at hiding veggies in smoothies and muffins and as always getting lots of use out of our Baby Brain Organics!
  • Toddler discipline is in full force. It’s the weirdest stage actually when they cross over to being deliberately defiant. He used to do things all the time out of curiosity and that was okay but now I can see it in his eyes. Just watching me, waiting for me to notice him doing that thing I just told him 100 times not to be doing. Discipline is hard. You don’t want to (or even feel like you know how to as a first time mom) but it is so necessary in their lives. Dex responds so much better and is so much better behaved when he has boundaries and they are enforced. It’s just taking like months for him to grasp the whole “stop throwing food off your high chair” thing! AHHHGGH
  • His seizure! Ugh! If you follow me on Instagram then you most likely already know about this – I’m planning on doing a full post just to inform anyone because I had no idea these existed and after sharing on IG and with some other moms, many of them didn’t know either. Anyway – Dexter had a febrile seizure 2 weeks ago and it was the scariest night of my entire life. It happened because his fever rose too quickly and that is how some babies bodies cope with the sudden temperature rise. It hands down was the biggest LOW of the last 6 months but we are so so so thankful that he is okay and that the pnumonia is gone and we are all 100% healthy for the first time since before Christmas!!

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(obsessed with our new soother clips from Loved by Sophia Claire – check out her shop here!)

What else is new?

We are working on Dexter’s toddler room and can’t wait to get it all together. We have been so on the fence about the whole toddler bed thing. I don’t know if he is ready and to be totally honest I’m dreading how it might affect his sleep but we will have to do it sooner or later. I can’t decide if it’s better to do it now, before baby, even if it might be too soon for him. Or wait until the baby is here but risk having TWO babies who don’t sleep through the night! Any and all advice is welcome on this one!

 

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Dex you have grown so much the past couple months. You are wild and curious but also so gentle and kind. You have become so much more cuddly and I love our time in bed snuggling every morning. I love how you need me when you are hurt or tired. I love how you go wild when you see your dad and either immediately run away to be chased by him or prepare for a tickle fight/wrestling match. I love how things always need to be even between dad and I – if I ask for a kiss and he’s around, you walk right over and give him a kiss too. If you hand something to me, you will go find another one to hand to dad. I love that we are a little family. You seriously complete our lives. We ask ourselves all the time, “What even mattered before Dexter?, What did we think about and care about? Why did we want to make money and be healthy?” Because now those things are all you. You are every good piece of my day, you are more than anything I have ever sacrificed, you are the reason for every decision we make. I can’t wait to see you as a big brother. You are going to be the perfect brother and the best influence on another little Havens. Wild and funny at times, but so soft and shy at others. We love you, I tell you about 300 times a day (secretly hoping one of these days you will say it back) but really we could never say it enough. We love you, we love you, we love you so so so much.

 

 

 

Pregnancy Update: 25 Weeks

Tomorrow I’ll be 25 weeks pregnant! I had a total meltdown last night when I realized how soon this baby is coming and how much we still have to do. Things are truly so so different the second time around. In some ways it’s much harder but in other ways I actually like it a lot more. I think this time around I feel so much more connected to the baby because I know what I’m getting at the end of all this. That sounds so weird but the first time around, you don’t yet understand how much love you will have for your child. I hadn’t experienced nursing yet, or those moments you share with only your baby. The first time around it was almost so alien, so strange. People would explain things to me but I had yet to experience it for myself. This time I am experiencing pregnancy as a mother. This time, I have Dex, a perfect example of what is to come and it makes me just so much more excited to meet this baby and experience all those little moments with him or her.

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I wanted to change up the questions this time around so I took some of these from my sweet friend Allison’s blog! She’s expecting now too if you guys want to follow along with her as well!

How far along are you?: 25 weeks! yeah right!

Baby is: Awesome! kidding, kind of. I think I’m supposed to say: 14 inches long and about a pound and a half!

Movement: Crazy movement. From 16 weeks on I swear I can feel every move this baby makes. My placenta was at the front last time, so I never felt Dex like this. It’s super fun to be able to even feel little rolls and sharp things like (what I can only assume are) feet and knees and elbows. Dex was chill in the womb and chill when he came out so we might be in trouble with this babe!

Total weight gain/loss: I’m up 15 lbs. Which is way more than I had gained at this point with Dexter. But, I’m feeling good and eating well and happy with that!

Maternity clothes?: Yes – I got the most amazing jeans from H&M that make me feel stylish again! For shirts, I’m still just sizing up or getting long tees and tanks! H&M is really the best for all things maternity – whether it’s in that section or not. I also love the maternity line from Asos.com

Belly button in or out?: Almost out – and it never came all the way out with Dexter at all – so that’s different!

Stretch marks?: No not yet, but I’m crazy itchy and I think that’s connected somehow. I didn’t have an itchy belly with Dex until I was like 36 weeks!

Obsessing over: New baby shopping and nursery decorating! I’ve been pinning like crazy and working with an amazing e-designer on the new room! It’s hard when we don’t know the gender but we are going to prepare the best we can and then buy the gender specific touches after the baby is here.

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(cutest new organic swaddle blanket from Darling Littles – softest swaddle blanket I’ve ever felt!)

Sleep: Insomnia has hit me hard! I had it in the first trimester big time and now it is back. It feels like I drank a double americano at 1 am and then tried to go to sleep. My eye muscles literally hurt from trying to keep my eyes closed. Maybe it’s my body trying to give me a taste of what my new life will be like. Up all night, then up with a wild toddler all day. (I CAN do this, I CAN do this!)

Favorite moment this week: Hmmm – not going to lie it’s been an uneventful week. I guess the best part had nothing to do with babies/pregnancy at all but my amazing mother in law came over to watch Dex while I went out for the morning shopping alone! I hit up David’s tea, Lush and H&M and it was magical! Do i feel guilty that the best moment didn’t involve my babies? A little – but Dex saying “mama” for the thousandth time is the best part of my day and I thought that might be a little expected haha

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Working on: Our house. We are finishing up our bedroom then onto the new nursery, Dexter’s toddler room and a playroom in the basement. We were so confident that we could easily get all this done before the baby back in December and now I’m starting to freak out! At the end of the day the LAST thing I want to do is put together furniture or paint a room but it needs to get done. Waaah.. We will get there.

Thinking about: The birth. Always. Sometimes I lose sleep over it. I’m planning a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian) and feeling all kinds of anxious about how it will go. I know it is the right choice for me and I am so excited at the possibility of it happening but there are so many factors that can throw things off. I know this baby will get here how it gets here and that God has it all planned out but I’m still thinking about this whole VBAC thing alllll the time! (If you have had a VBAC I would love love love to hear from you!!!)

Currently craving: I barely had any cravings this time around until like this past week! Lately, I will think of something and nothing else will do until I have it. I’m loving orange juice, candy (like those 5c fruit candies), pizza, cucumber/tomato/feta salad, watermelon and ice cream.

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Anything make you sick or queasy?: No nothing. I have thankfully been nausea free since around 16 weeks, and it was BAD this time around so I’m so so so happy about that.

What are you most looking forward to?: Meeting this baby and finding out whether it’s a boy or a girl!! (spoiler alert – that will be my answer every week). Last time, we didn’t find out the gender and it was so easy. I was never tempted at all. This time, I am DYYYYING not knowing what it is. I think it’s because last time I was like 99% sure it was a boy in my heart. This time I have no feelings either way at all! I am just dying to know who it is and meet him/her and give them a name and a room in our home. Now that this child exists it just feels like our family isn’t complete until he/she is here. I am however, really working on soaking up my last couple months with one child and being able to spend all my time with Dex – so I’m also just looking forward to that – just the end of this chapter and the beginning of the next.

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Thanks so much for reading!

ps. SO many selfies in this post – just realized haha tired of the back of my phone yet? Me too. :)

B

First Trimester Recap

So I’m past the first trimester, but I thought it would be cool to do a little recap instead of doing weekly updates because the first trimester for me can basically be summed up in 3 words; sick, tired, HUNGRY!

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^ 14 weeks

It felt like my first trimester was only a month long because if you read my last post, you will know that we didn’t find out we were expecting until about 2 months in – which I didn’t mind one bit!

So far this pregnancy has been super different in some ways and exactly the same in others. It has been really fun to look back on my pregnancy updates from last time and compare details.

How it’s different:

Last time I had 13 year old boy acne for like 4 months straight and this time, I’ve maybe had one breakout.

Last time my nausea was just in the morning, this time it has been all day. This time is was also way more intense and although I never threw up there were waaaay too many close calls. I think it might be because this time I change diapers and seeing poop like 4 times a day is about the worst thing ever when you feel nauseous.

This time I had a huge meat aversion. YUCK!

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^ must sleep!

This time I’m craving more citrus/sweet/cold/fresh things, last time it was all pasta and the saltiest things I could get my hands on. Seriously, all I wanted all day was salami (?!?!)

I don’t think I have mentioned it on the blog before, and I’m even a little uncomfortable mentioning it now but, the biggest difference is last time I had (I didn’t even know this was  a thing) pre-natal depression (also called Antenatal depression). I literally got punched in the face with hormones and felt so down and depressed all the time. I know pregnancy brings about a lot of hormones and emotional changes for everyone but I could tell this was something different. I would get so emotional over the most random things my husband said to me and have super bizarre thoughts about things like my marriage and my body. For example, I had gained maybe 3 pounds and I would literally look in the mirror and loathe myself and feel enormous (but in the second trimester when I had gained like way more I felt amazing).  If my husband said anything to thing to me (ie. teasing me about chewing loud – this actually happened) I would cry for like 2 hours and then tell him that if he wanted out now then he was free to go and I was prepared to raise this baby on my own – and I would mean it. I would see that as a real possibility. Like, what in the actual hell right?!! This was so NOT me and I knew it at the time but I couldn’t get myself out of it. Thankfully it passed on it’s own. I can specifically remember the day where I was getting ready for bed at night and I realized “OMG – I didn’t cry today!!!!!!” and then the next day I didn’t cry, and the day after that and I knew it was over. I thank God for my husband’s patience and grace through that first trimester. It was funny because this time around I could tell he was prepared to tread lightly because of the hormone explosion that happened last time, but this time is nothing like that at all. I was so relieved to not have to experience that. Until this I had zero experience with any form of depression. I was always someone who never understood depression, and even now I don’t think I grasp it completely, but after my experience in my first pregnancy I thought to myself ‘I kinda get it.” I’m a little embarrassed to say that  I was a little insensitive about depression before. You can’t just “be happy” or be told “you’re not fat” or “I want to be married to you” – you still don’t believe any of it. Anyway – I’ve never said any of this before haha – but maybe some of you have felt the same. In case you were also wondering, I didn’t experience any post-partum depression after Dex was born.

First Trimester Recap: 

Total weight gain/loss:  I think I gained about 8 lbs in the first trimester. To me it seemed like a lot, but I started at a much lower weight than I did with Dex. I think it was because of nursing. I still haven’t caught up to what I naturally sit at (120) before pregnancy/dex/nursing. I was also eating for like a full family of 4 in the first trimester sooo. I’m currently about 118 and counting ;) (and because someone always asks I’m 5’2″)

Maternity clothes?: None during the first trimester but this week (17 weeks) I decided I’ll need to go get some maternity pants/leggings. Thinking of trying H&M. What are some of your fave maternity brands?

Stretch marks? Nope – doing the whole sweet almond oil thing again. It seemed to work last time.

Sleep: Sleep was so good the first 3 months. I’ve got a baby who sleeps through the night and my bladder can still make it until morning too! I’m dreading this changing!! I slept better with a newborn baby than I did when I was pregnant.

Best moment: Finding out we were pregnant was in the first trimester so I’ll say that. I also love seeing my little bump and taught Dex to say baby and where his and my belly is. The dating ultrasound was also fun…seeing a little bean on the screen is the best!

Miss Anything? Hot yoga, and I probably would have liked a glass of wine over the holidays but nothing really.

Movement: Not in the first trimester but started feeling them December 27th.

Anything make you queasy or sick:  YES! Meat of any kind, baby poo, garbage smell, weird textures, being hungry.

Have you started to show yet:  Yes! I’m much bigger this time around. When you think about Dexter was literally in there 16 months ago so I think my body is just like “I remember how this goes, I’ll just get started now.” I’m about as big at 16 weeks as I was at 23 weeks with Dexter.

Gender prediction: Last time I KNEW! We didn’t find out but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was a boy. This time I have a feeeeeling but it’s nothing like last time. If I had to guess I would say girl but it’s still like 60/40.

Belly Button in or out? My belly button never went all the way out last time, but this time it’s already well on it’s way.2015-01-07 09.48.55

^ 15 weeks // full disclosure: I make these black and white to try to hide how filthy my bathroom mirror is. I don’t think it’s working. haha. I told you I was tired – no time to clean.

Happy or Moody most of the timeHappy! So much happier than last time!

Preparations for baby: We haven’t done much yet but I have some nursery plans. We will have to move Dex and decorate a toddler room for him too!

Looking forward to: Feeling kicks and Zach being able to feel them too. Also decorating a nursery and toddler room!

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^ today @ 17 weeks

Thanks for reading! I won’t be updating weekly but as much as I can and as things change! I’m also thinking about changing the questions in this update a little, I feel like so many of the answers stay the same every week. Any suggestions??

-Britt

 

Baby #2 – How We Found Out!

For my first pregnancy I basically thought I was the first person to ever be pregnant. Just kidding….kind of. It was just all so crazy and new and exciting and the whole thing had to be documented. Now this time around, I am equally excited but I remember feeling like not a lot changed last time from week to week so I’m going to be doing pregnancy updates monthly. Even that feels super ambitions as I sit here exhausted at 11:30pm thinking about how my toddler better not have another 6am wake up!

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(my husband  – the artist ^)

I’m (*checks Baby center app on phone*) 17 weeks so I have a bit of catch up to do but I thought I would start with how we found out!

Lets go back a bit. I knew I wanted more children after I had Dex. I also knew I wanted them to be close in age. But when you are nursing and your baby still feels so little it was hard for me to imagine bringing another baby into the family. My husband was totally ready, but I knew my body needed more time. I needed more time. Around Dex’s first birthday, I started to get a little baby fever. Then we started weaning and he started sleeping through the night and I wasn’t exhausted anymore and I thought “Alright, NOW we can do this.” I was still back and forth from time to time, but I was starting to feel ready. My husband and I talked a lot and decided that we would leave it in God’s hands. We believe that He knows what is best for us and He already knows what and when our family will grow so instead of letting our emotions/hormones/fear dictate we would just let go and trust Him. Well — God was certainly waiting for that “go ahead” (Not that He needs it.)

To give you a bit of a timeline here, Dex turned one on August 19th, we went away for our anniversary around the 25th and AFTER that we decided to start the (what we thought would be) long process of “trying” for another baby. Well – without giving you TMI the doctor estimates that I got pregnant sometime around September 1st.. soooooo super super fast….like first time fast!

I hadn’t gotten my “cycle” back the whole time I was nursing Dexter and even after we started weaning so I had no way of knowing I was “late”. I noticed what felt like period cramping around the end of September. I assumed it was my cycle making it’s way back.  Well – it never came and the cramping continued for about 2 weeks. At this point I am still 100% it’s my period. I heard the first one after pregnancy comes back with a vengeance (sorry, that’s gross) so I just thought it was super drawn out and my body was just finding it’s way back from nursing/pregnancy. I was doing makeup at a wedding with my sister in law on Saturday and she had her baby 4 days before me and was weaning and we got chatting and I told her I think my cycle is going to return because I’ve had period cramps for like 2 weeks. She pretty well instantly told me to take a test.

I bought one the next day (which was Thanksgiving sunday) and asked Zach if he wanted a surprise again or wanted to be there for it. He wanted to do the whole wait 3 minutes and look together thing so we did.

Evidently I assumed I was an old PRO at pregnancy tests (HA) and didn’t read the directions at all because we had literally “tried” maybe 2 times and I am totally, obviously not pregnant! I do my thing and leave the test on the counter. The test has 2 windows – one is the control and always has a line -the other (this is so confusing) has ONE line if you are pregnant and NOTHING if you aren’t pregnant (is that not weird??). I am an idiot and figured it was like a plus or TWO lines if you were pregnant and one if you aren’t. I literally made this up because I was totally NOT pregnant.

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(I know!! It says it RIGHT on it – but I was that sure that I was not pregnant so I think my brain just saw what it saw.)

After 3 minutes we went in and I grabbed the test, saw one line, and like a total know-it-all said “see..negative” Zach looked at it and for a second was like “oh. okay”. At this point ready to walk out of the bathroom and move on (because even when you don’t know what you want or if you are ready – when you take a test you suddenly really want it to be positive) and my husband picked up the test and took a closer look (thank GOD!) and it went like this

Zach: Uhhhhhhhhh………I think…….it’s positive.

Britt: *grabs test* No – one line. Negative.

Zach: No…one line..pregnant..see.

Britt: *Takes a closer look. Hand on mouth. Falls onto toilet.* “OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG OMG……..!!!!!”

Dex sensed our excitement and got all excited too and it was actually such a beautiful moment – the 3 of us all hugging in our tiny little bathroom. It took me like a week to wrap my mind around it. I had no idea when it happened and although it was so much quicker than we anticipated we are so blessed that it wasn’t difficult for us and that we have been entrusted with another baby!

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(Took a second – non-trick test to be sure!)

At our ultrasound we found out we were already 2 months along – which was great because no one likes the first trimester anyway ;)

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When people ask I never know what to say. It was a surprise but we also knew what we were doing and 1+1 = 2
soooo we really shouldn’t have been as shocked as we were. It was an amazing thanksgiving surprise!

Thanks so much for reading! I’ll be posting my first trimester update tomorrow!

Britt

Baby Number TWO!

Hey guys! Welcome (or maybe it’s welcome back) to my little family blog! I started this blog to be able to document and follow my first pregnancy (Dexter born August 19th 2013) and now that I’m expecting baby number TWO in June I figured I would get back into it. It’s so fun being able to document all the little details and look back on them. I especially love now that I am pregnant again, comparing how I felt each week with Dexter to how I’m feeling now! Totally different pregnancy so far!

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I took a little break from this blog and it became super sporadic. Which worked for me at the time because I would rather be spending time with my busy toddler, than blogging about him and Lord knows, he doesn’t give me a whole lot of free time. I also was working on another blog with my best friend Natalie. This blog has been my priority and I would love for you to follow along there as well! It’s more of a lifestyle blog where we post recipes, DIY projects, favourite toddler products, beauty and style posts and anything else we are feeling inspired by! I will be posting some pregnancy stuff over on Three Little Crowns (fave products, must haves, etc)  but I’ll be posting more of the personal pregnancy stuff here along with super amateur iphone photos (just being honest) and family/bump updates.

We recently did a family shoot with Mint Photography to announce our pregnancy and capture some family photos before our new baby arrives. It’s nice being able to capture our little family of three since it will only be the three of us for another 6 months!! Natalie did such an amazing job!! It was so cold and Dex was so grumpy but you would never know by these gorgeous shots. Thanks so much Natalie – we are obsessed!

havens-2 havens-115 havens-88 havens-108 havens-25 havens-44 havens-20 havens-47

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Thanks so much for reading! Tomorrow I’m sharing a first trimester recap and the surprise story of how we found out about baby number 2!!

Photos by Mint Photography – www.mintphotography.ca  @_mintphotography

Makeup by Makeup by Brittany – www.makeupbybrittany.com   @makeupbybrit