First Trimester Recap

So I’m past the first trimester, but I thought it would be cool to do a little recap instead of doing weekly updates because the first trimester for me can basically be summed up in 3 words; sick, tired, HUNGRY!

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^ 14 weeks

It felt like my first trimester was only a month long because if you read my last post, you will know that we didn’t find out we were expecting until about 2 months in – which I didn’t mind one bit!

So far this pregnancy has been super different in some ways and exactly the same in others. It has been really fun to look back on my pregnancy updates from last time and compare details.

How it’s different:

Last time I had 13 year old boy acne for like 4 months straight and this time, I’ve maybe had one breakout.

Last time my nausea was just in the morning, this time it has been all day. This time is was also way more intense and although I never threw up there were waaaay too many close calls. I think it might be because this time I change diapers and seeing poop like 4 times a day is about the worst thing ever when you feel nauseous.

This time I had a huge meat aversion. YUCK!

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^ must sleep!

This time I’m craving more citrus/sweet/cold/fresh things, last time it was all pasta and the saltiest things I could get my hands on. Seriously, all I wanted all day was salami (?!?!)

I don’t think I have mentioned it on the blog before, and I’m even a little uncomfortable mentioning it now but, the biggest difference is last time I had (I didn’t even know this was  a thing) pre-natal depression (also called Antenatal depression). I literally got punched in the face with hormones and felt so down and depressed all the time. I know pregnancy brings about a lot of hormones and emotional changes for everyone but I could tell this was something different. I would get so emotional over the most random things my husband said to me and have super bizarre thoughts about things like my marriage and my body. For example, I had gained maybe 3 pounds and I would literally look in the mirror and loathe myself and feel enormous (but in the second trimester when I had gained like way more I felt amazing).  If my husband said anything to thing to me (ie. teasing me about chewing loud – this actually happened) I would cry for like 2 hours and then tell him that if he wanted out now then he was free to go and I was prepared to raise this baby on my own – and I would mean it. I would see that as a real possibility. Like, what in the actual hell right?!! This was so NOT me and I knew it at the time but I couldn’t get myself out of it. Thankfully it passed on it’s own. I can specifically remember the day where I was getting ready for bed at night and I realized “OMG – I didn’t cry today!!!!!!” and then the next day I didn’t cry, and the day after that and I knew it was over. I thank God for my husband’s patience and grace through that first trimester. It was funny because this time around I could tell he was prepared to tread lightly because of the hormone explosion that happened last time, but this time is nothing like that at all. I was so relieved to not have to experience that. Until this I had zero experience with any form of depression. I was always someone who never understood depression, and even now I don’t think I grasp it completely, but after my experience in my first pregnancy I thought to myself ‘I kinda get it.” I’m a little embarrassed to say that  I was a little insensitive about depression before. You can’t just “be happy” or be told “you’re not fat” or “I want to be married to you” – you still don’t believe any of it. Anyway – I’ve never said any of this before haha – but maybe some of you have felt the same. In case you were also wondering, I didn’t experience any post-partum depression after Dex was born.

First Trimester Recap: 

Total weight gain/loss:  I think I gained about 8 lbs in the first trimester. To me it seemed like a lot, but I started at a much lower weight than I did with Dex. I think it was because of nursing. I still haven’t caught up to what I naturally sit at (120) before pregnancy/dex/nursing. I was also eating for like a full family of 4 in the first trimester sooo. I’m currently about 118 and counting ;) (and because someone always asks I’m 5’2″)

Maternity clothes?: None during the first trimester but this week (17 weeks) I decided I’ll need to go get some maternity pants/leggings. Thinking of trying H&M. What are some of your fave maternity brands?

Stretch marks? Nope – doing the whole sweet almond oil thing again. It seemed to work last time.

Sleep: Sleep was so good the first 3 months. I’ve got a baby who sleeps through the night and my bladder can still make it until morning too! I’m dreading this changing!! I slept better with a newborn baby than I did when I was pregnant.

Best moment: Finding out we were pregnant was in the first trimester so I’ll say that. I also love seeing my little bump and taught Dex to say baby and where his and my belly is. The dating ultrasound was also fun…seeing a little bean on the screen is the best!

Miss Anything? Hot yoga, and I probably would have liked a glass of wine over the holidays but nothing really.

Movement: Not in the first trimester but started feeling them December 27th.

Anything make you queasy or sick:  YES! Meat of any kind, baby poo, garbage smell, weird textures, being hungry.

Have you started to show yet:  Yes! I’m much bigger this time around. When you think about Dexter was literally in there 16 months ago so I think my body is just like “I remember how this goes, I’ll just get started now.” I’m about as big at 16 weeks as I was at 23 weeks with Dexter.

Gender prediction: Last time I KNEW! We didn’t find out but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was a boy. This time I have a feeeeeling but it’s nothing like last time. If I had to guess I would say girl but it’s still like 60/40.

Belly Button in or out? My belly button never went all the way out last time, but this time it’s already well on it’s way.2015-01-07 09.48.55

^ 15 weeks // full disclosure: I make these black and white to try to hide how filthy my bathroom mirror is. I don’t think it’s working. haha. I told you I was tired – no time to clean.

Happy or Moody most of the timeHappy! So much happier than last time!

Preparations for baby: We haven’t done much yet but I have some nursery plans. We will have to move Dex and decorate a toddler room for him too!

Looking forward to: Feeling kicks and Zach being able to feel them too. Also decorating a nursery and toddler room!

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^ today @ 17 weeks

Thanks for reading! I won’t be updating weekly but as much as I can and as things change! I’m also thinking about changing the questions in this update a little, I feel like so many of the answers stay the same every week. Any suggestions??

-Britt

 

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My First Mother’s Day

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This mother’s day was a special one. Not only was it my first official mother’s day but it’s the first mother’s day in like 5 years that I’ve been home to spend it with my mama. Where Zach and I live now is about a 6 hour drive from where we both grew up, so getting to be home with my family was amazing.  We spent the day having a backyard BBQ at my sister’s house. It was so awesome having both babies together (my sister’s and mine) and the weather was perfect!!

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Motherhood so far has been the best experience of my life. It has also been the most challenging and has made me to look at things in my life, and qualities in myself in a totally different way. My priorities have shifted. The things I used to put too much time into are now special treats and qualities like patience and sacrifice are things I hold in the highest regard. Motherhood has been beautiful and quiet and loud and messy and stressful and natural and hard…like super hard but to me, nothing feels more like home than being a mom. It often feels weird even saying I’m a mom. It’s hard to wrap my head around that sometimes. I will watch movies where someone gives birth and I can not believe that’s how Dexter got here. I honestly can barely remember. I think it’s because my brain is now flooded with new moments and memories every day that it’s so hard to remember way back then.  Our bond is growing stronger by the day and I can tell that him and I have something that I will never have with anyone else and that is worth everything to me. I willingly give up my plans, my old body, eating warm food, and sleeping through the night for him and even though somedays it’s so hard, I will never ever look back.

On the drive home from Brockville Dexter woke up and started crying right as we were passing through Toronto. Nothing would sooth him so we found Old MacDonald (a sure way to calm him down) on Zach’s iPhone. Sure enough, he was silent. We were going insane listening to this song a hundred times in a row and for a minute in I thought to myself, “Ughhh is this my life?” About as soon as I thought that, the phone died and Old MacDonald was no more. About a second after that, Dexter started crying again and Zach (honestly, my husband is incredible) picked pretty much where the iPod left off. He did the verses and decided which animals were on the farm and I had to come up with the noises. Dexter quieted down again and I realized that this was probably one of the best moments of my mom life so far. My husband, exhausted from a long drive is singing the most annoying song ever with a smile on his face and my baby boy in the back, smiling and soothed by our voices.

And that’s exactly how it is. Even in the most exhausting moments. Even when you think you miss your old life. Even when you have listened to Old Macdonald 34 times in a row…if your baby is smiling, there is nothing you wouldn’t do and no place you would rather be.

Hope all you mama’s had an awesome day! And if you’re not a mama that you showered the mamas in your life with love!

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Reese.

 

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OHH and Dex stood on his own this weekend!! AHHHH

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I also got to catch up with one of my closest friends Lindsay! Her little baby Ben is the cuuuutest and Dex and him instantly hit it off on our park date! So thankful for mama friends like her!

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Thanks so much for reading!!

Britt

 

Body Image After Baby

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Every mom can relate to feeling not so hot after you have a baby. Some mama’s struggle to lose those last few pounds and others shed the weight in what seems like overnight. Regardless of your situation, our attitudes about our postpartum bodies are usually the same – we don’t love it. In fact, it can be a huge struggle. You’re tired, you are hormonal and now your hips are a lot farther apart than they used to be. Why baby? Why God? On top of everything else?

For me, losing the “pounds” hasn’t been that difficult. I say pounds because the scale says I weigh what I used to, but my body does not look like it used to! I think recovery and sitting around nursing has caused me to lose most of the pounds in muscle because I’m feeling pretty….soft. Lately, I’ve been really down on myself and with a trip to Jamaica right around the corner I’ve been feeling the pressure to bounce back.

I was thinking (probably too much) about this the other day and a memory came to my mind. This happened way back when I was like 8 months pregnant and I always wanted to blog about it but never got around to it with having a baby and all but what happened and what I learned is too good not to share.

Before getting pregnant I always said I would be one of those pregnant women who would totally rock a bikini with confidence at the beach but when the time actually came it wasn’t that easy. I feel like all the women I saw pregnant in a bikini were tabloid photos of celebrities because in real life it was hard to even find a bikini top that fit my ever changing chest. I managed to find something that worked and headed to the beach with a close friend. I was super insecure and took forever to actually get down to wearing just the bikini but eventually I just figured “who cares” and went for it. Now this particular day at the beach there was an alarming number of what I can only describe as Victoria’s Secret models in training. I mentioned this to my friend and she said I was insane but my mind continued “When did everyone get SO hot?”

As I was laying in the sun, unable to lay on my back or front (side lying at the beach – awesome!) and feeling down on myself I spotted a particularly stunning woman in front of us with her husband. She was probably in her early 40’s and had a smokin’ body! I assume she was competitively into fitness because she looked incredible. Anyway, my friend and I joked back and fourth a bit about how we would love to look like that into our 40’s and how she looked UH-mazing!!! Instead of feeling motivated by this woman, I felt super insecure. I just felt mom-ish and frumpy. Hot, annoyed and tired of laying propped up on my side I headed down to the water with my friend. As I stood up this woman approached me. She asked if I was expecting, which I assume was out of politeness because lets face it, 8 months along, I was looking mighty pregnant. I told her yes and I’ll never forget what followed.

“I just wanted to come up to you and let you know that you are the sexiest person on this beach. You look so amazing and beautiful in your bikini!”

It was one of those moments where you want to look behind you because you can’t believe they are talking to you. At this point, I was in shock. I regret how shocked I was every day because I feel like I came across standoffish or creeped out when in reality I was  holding back tears and couldn’t believe that this woman had the boldness to come out and say that to me.

I think I muttered something about how SHE  looked amazing and that we were thinking the same about her. I honestly can’t even remember but it prompted her to share something with us..

With her husband behind her, she went on to tell me how she was unable to conceive . She said she had tried for years with no luck. As she stared at my round, white belly she said that she would trade her body any day to be able to look like me (meaning pregnant) and be able to have a child. I could hear the pain and longing in her voice. I couldn’t even form words. I tried to thank her and tell her that I was so sorry but it didn’t seem like enough and I was too overwhelmed to properly convey how I felt.

Here I had been, staring at all these women on the beach and while I was thrilled to be pregnant I found myself wishing for a body and situation other than my own. Never EVER did I think for one second that anyone (let alone the most gorgeous woman on the beach) would be looking at me, all of me, and wishing they were in my shoes. Wishing they looked like me, pregnant, side lying, and full of insecurities.

We as women spend a lot of time comparing and letting insecurity rule in our hearts. I was guilty of this at my smallest before I was pregnant, 9 months along and even now 5 months postpartum. But, every time this story comes to mind I am reminded that my body is amazing, it does (and did) amazing things and it might not always (or ever) look how I want it to look, but somewhere someone would give anything for my stretch marks and wide hips. Somewhere someone is looking at what you consider an imperfection and thinking that would be pretty great.

I let something as stupid and fleeting as my outward appearance overshadow the miracle and joy that was happening inside. And this woman’s perfect outward appearance easily masked the pain and longing she has inside. Our outward appearances are just a shell and while it’s important to respect and treat our bodies well it’s more important to understand that the outside doesn’t always give an accurate portrayal of what’s going on on the inside. True joy, security, and confidence can’t be seen on the outside.

So today, for me, it is easy to fall back into that thinking. To let insecurity and comparison have a bigger part in my life than they deserve. It’s tempting to look at my body and see it as ruined and just different instead of looking at the healthy miracle that is our baby boy. I have moments when I don’t care and all I see is him and moments where I feel lumpy and miss the body I used to have.

Obviously, I’m a work in progress and always will be, but I am so thankful for the wakeup call I received that day. I believe with all of my heart that God was sick and tired of hearing me complain and beat myself up. I know he sent that woman up to me and gave her the boldness to share because I needed a slap in the face. I needed to become humble and stop giving my outward appearance more credit than it deserved. It is not who I am – not when I’m skinny, not when I’m pregnant, and not when I’m lumpy and still have a couple pounds to lose.

I hope that anyone reading this is encouraged by this little story. We as women need to stop comparing ourselves to others OR even comparing our new bodies to our old bodies. We need to stop hating the woman who lost all the baby weight right away and stop judging the woman who hasn’t lost a pound. We need to be like this incredible woman on the beach and have the courage to speak words of love and encouragement to each other. We’re all in this together and whether it’s obvious on the outside we ALL have insecurities.

Thanks so much for reading.

Britt

Dexter’s 5 Month Update

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I’m back and my baby isn’t sick anymore. Honestly – Hallelujah!! Having a sick baby was the most physically and emotionally draining experience since becoming a mom. I always felt anxious or helpless or guilty. Dex had a bad cold (RSV) for about a month and while, we are fortunate that was all it was, the first time your baby gets sick is a scary experience.  Anyway, we pretty much stayed inside and snuggled most of the time. This past week was the first time we got out socially in a long time and it felt so good!

Dex is 5 months old now and more fun than ever. Here is his monthly update just incase anyone was interested. :)

(sorry in advance for all the blurry photos – this baby is getting too wiggly to take a photo of and have it still be in focus)

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Weight: 18lbs 9oz (I think hope he slowed down a little bit since being sick, or maybe just getting older, he is getting impossible to lift in his car seat)

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Sleep: OH goodness!! This used to be going so well until he got sick. Between me being paranoid about his breathing and….okay mostly me being paranoid about his breathing (seriously, it sounded like he was breathing through a pinhole) we gave in and moved him back into our room. Then he was feeling better so we moved him back to his crib, then he cut a tooth. It’s so funny because from about 3 months Dex was drooling a lot and chewing a lot and I was always like “oh he must be teething” now that he is actually teething I feel like an idiot for thinking THAT was teething. Teething has turned our easygoing babe into a little monster. Honestly, my heart breaks for him because it seems quite painful but I barely recognize this kid. So he started waking up almost every hour and refused to nurse or go back to sleep. He would just wake up and cry until he fell back asleep, which usually took about 25-45 minutes. That was hard – too hard. So I brought him back into our room and he is sleeping a bit better again. Going to try him back in the crib again tonight.

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Eating: Still nursing well. He has been showing some interest in our food so we are planning on starting him on some solids soon.

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Diapers:  Dex is still in cloth diapers. My cloth diaper post is DONE and I’ll be posting it soon! Just wanted to get this update up on time. We tried out diapers by the Honest Company for travel and overnight and we LOVED them. By a long shot our favorite disposable diapers (they’re almost too cute to use). We love Seventh Generation diapers as well but they don’t have cute patterns so the choice is obvious.  We also tried the Honest wipes and love them too! So glad this company delivers to Canada now!

Clothing: Dex is into pretty much all 9-month clothing. Some random 6-month stuff fits him but once it’s washed it’s too tight so I’ve been buying him all 9 month to make sure it fits for a while. Right now I’m loving him in leggings, chunky sweaters, graphic tees and puffy vests. I still can’t find shoes that fit him.

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Mood:  To be honest, he’s pretty miserable. This teething thing is kicking both our butts. He has moments of being chill but they are short lived.

 Loves:

▪   Exersaucer – This thing is the best. He could stand in it all day. We have a farm animal one and he just stands there trying to get every piece into his mouth.

▪   Me singing – I don’t sing. My family is super musical but I am brutal. Like hurt your ears brutal but I have been finding that Dex is soothed/distracted by me singing him to sleep so I’ve been doing that. I know the day is going to come where he realizes that I’m terrible and says “mom, stop singing” but for now he’s loving it. Some of my go tos are “Just Can’t Wait to be King”, “Skinny Love” and anything by Copeland.

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▪   His Soother – FINALLY this kid takes a soother. We have been gently trying to get him to like a soother since day one and just now has he shown interest. He likes the Soothies brand.

Jolly Jumper – he’s obsessed. It’s almost dangerous how he rips around.

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▪   His feet – I have to hold his legs down when changing him because as soon as the socks are off he must grab his feet. Him lying on his back holding both feet is probably my favorite thing this month.

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Doesn’t Love:

▪   Teething and everything it involves.

What I Want to Remember:

▪   Him learning to grab his toes. Happened on Christmas day while I was changing his diaper

▪   Got his first tooth at 21 weeks. So sharp and cute.

▪   Got his high chair this week too. He can sit in it by himself and loves being up at our level.

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▪    His first cold was at about 19 weeks and lasted until now. Not fun but something to remember.

▪   Him in the bath – No, this is my favorite thing of the month. We have started filling the big bath with an inch or 2 of water and laying him in it on his back. (Don’t worry we have a hand on him the whole time.) He LOVES this. I have never seen him go so wild. He flails and splashes and laughs. The bathroom floor pretty much gets soaked but it’s so worth it. When we take him out of the bath he just stares back at it longing to go back in. We gotta get this kid swimming he adores the water.

There you have it. 5 months with this little babe. It scares the crap out of me that my next update will be 6 months..half a year!!!?? NOO!!

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Britt